The Past

Tue, 20 Dec 2011 01:49:00 -0500

So, I’ve always been super tall, I think I popped out at 5’11 and maybe grew to 6’0 when I hit puberty. I have always been a bigger kid, not fat, just bigger, and I was always self conscious about it. Ive played basketball and volleyball since I was in 2nd grade. In high school when we had to get our sports physical to play, my weight was 190 and i was so embarrassed. At that time I thought i was HUGE and i wasnt in the least but i saw myself as a big girl. Im so mad at myself now for letting myself think that way and get so upset about it when I really wasnt that big. and i was healthy, thats the important thing. After my sophomore year ended and my junior year was about to being i decided not to go out for volleyball because i didnt look good in the spandex or tight shirts. i was too self conscious about the uniform to play the sport i love. (dumb) after volleyball season ended i was prepared for basketball, after much consideration i decided not to try out for basketball either. Im not sure why other than i just didnt want to exercise anymore and i was embarrassed of our team (we were pretty horrible) i was still eating as if i was an athlete and probably gained about 30 pounds by christmas of my junior year, but i hadnt noticed a big change. I broke my foot that December as well and was on crutches for 4 months. after that, my self confidence was shot and i gained another 50 ish pounds, still hadnt realized it. at the end of my junior year when we were taking pictures and such i realized how big i truely was and stepped back on a scale. 290. After being super depressed about being fat and not being able to fit into my clothes, i cut off my friends and hit a high of 330. Once i realized something needed to changed i started attending a weight loss clinic that prescribed meds to you to lose weight. i got down to about 260 by december of my senior year and was feeling fantastic, i still was bigger than i wanted to be but i loved shopping again and life again. Problem was, i didnt exercise at all when i was attending this doctor, after i discontinued seeing her due to a move to college i gained back about 40 pounds. On top of that insert crappy dorm food and unhealthy fast food runs. +20. Get put on deprovera, another 30 pounds and congratulations tessa. you are back at 330. The funny thing is, i dont think i look as big as i did the last time i was this big. i notice it especially in my clothes now but i dont feel different.i hit my low this semester, started hanging with the wrong group and got into some wrong things, i lost myself and my beliefs.Basically Im at the point where i am very unhappy, i cant fit into clothes, i just want to sit in my room all day. Im ready to change my life and get my life back on track and thats why ive started this blog. I have decided to move home and start focusing on me and getting healthy the, well, healthy way. This blog is mostly for me and if it inspires you also, GREAT! I will be recording my meals, thoughts, workouts, etc. Feel free to comment and leave feedback.

"But as in ethics, evil is a consequence of good, so in fact, out of joy is sorrow born. Either the..."

Wed, 06 Apr 2011 11:46:04 -0400

““But as in ethics, evil is a consequence of good, so in fact, out of joy is sorrow born. Either the memory of past bliss is the anguish of today, or the agonies which are have their origin in the ectasies which might have been.” Edgar Allen Poe”

Tessa: My Life

The Past

"But as in ethics, evil is a consequence of good, so in fact, out of joy is sorrow born. Either the..."